Sharon the Birthday Girl

On this day 20 something years ago, a baby girl was born and they named her Sharon. Some people call her Shan but the villager in me is stuck with Sharon.

So who is this Sharon creature? Sharon is the girl I met on the 5th of December 2014 at an end of year work party. I was in my 3rd month at the job and didn’t know that many people. She was already friends with Momo whom o had a few months before. 

From L-R: Merab, Me, Momo and Sharon

We didn’t talk because Sharon rarely talks much to people she has just met but  after a few drinks we took to the dance floor, had camera moments together and exchanged contacts. I believe that’s the day I became friends with Sharon. A month after meeting Sharon, she had beach plot with her friends and I was lucky to be invited.

L-R: Irene, Sharon, Momo and I

I had so much fun at the beach because I rarely had time out with girls since I had got into the habit of finding my way around with no one to worry about. I concluded that the more time you spend with someone you’ll eventually get attached to them. 

I continued meeting Sharon at work events and parties and we always used these to catch up. It was late November 2015 that she told me she was house hunting since her housemate had travelled for further studies. I thought about her situation for some days and then made the decision to try out having a housemate, of course I had everyone giving me Thur experiences and opinions about the idea of having a housemate but at the end of it all it was up to me to decide. We went out house hunting one Friday afternoon and were successful by evening. At the beginning of December 2015 we officially moved on together. I realized she wasn’t the Kampala girl I had earlier thought of her to be, she liked cleaning and cooking a lot. We started doing things and meeting each other’s friends. 

Sharon and I at Cafe Ceylon

Did I mention we both love having a good time, invite us to any party and trust me we’ll be there. We’ve over the time learned to tolerate one another by respecting each other’s space.

L-R:Me, Sandrah and Sharon

We recently had a surprise party     for Sharon with the help of my dear friend Sandrah. We are yet to create more beautiful memories together. 

I am glad I have you on my life Sharon.

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She makes me think twice …

16 years older than me but makes me feel like a grandma. So there is this lady at work whom i have great admiration for; very graceful in the way she carries herself and her dress code oh my…

Yesterday she called me to her office and expressed her concern, ” You’ve lost so much weight Audrey, is everything okay?” of course i admitted not feeling well and she felt sorry for me. All this while i was staring at her in amazement, very neat hair, well done simple makeup, and her lipstick is to die for. I made the resolution there and then.

Luckily i got home early and freshened up and changed to go meet my Mu-summer friend, this time i was motivated to dress my best; simple leggings, dress top and of course some lipstick. Before leaving the house i shared with my housemate about the awesome lady at work and she emphasized the same, it all starts with you, Love yourself always and let it be portrayed in the way you dress your body up. With that i fell in love with my body once again and i am not giving up on myself ever.

I am Not Forgotten

He cares when no else does.

mosesmukisablog

And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down till he comes here.” (1 Sam 16:11)

Imagine this: that on the most significant day in the history of your family, when the prophet has come all the way from Ramallah to anoint the next leader of your nation from your family, no one even cared to call you back from your fellowship with sheep in the wilderness!

Why do you think David’s father forgot to invite him? Ok, it’s common knowledge that fathers sometimes forget important things. How about the mother? We’ve seen mothers stand up for their disadvantaged sons throughout the Bible, but this time, not even David’s mother remembers!

Have you ever felt totally disadvantaged? Have…

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The Girl I’ve become!

She walks around the corridors with so much confidence that everyone she meets can’t help but notice the positive vibes. She smiles as she says Good morning to her Colleagues head up.

Only her knows where this confidence comes from the Positive attitude and looking for the good in every situation. Yes, she realized that worrying never changes much about any situation but trusting God and letting him take control of every situation in her life has gotten her this far.

The soothing Hill song Music she listens to at 5:30 am when she wakes up is her daily dose of hope, then she gets to work early enough to prepare her work station and prepare for the day.  Says her prayer asking for his mighty guidance through every hour of the day, surrenders her family and loved ones to him.

She has mastered the art of seeing the good in every situation, even when things seem to be tight, she will will smile and hope for the best.And of course that above all patience doesn’t disappoint. All i can say is that I am happy with his girl, i want to be her always

Brave and Reckless’Advice for New WordPress Bloggers– Part 1

Now this is what i needed for motivation, many thanks

Brave and Reckless

It wasn’t so long ago that I was a brand new blogger at WordPress. I started my blog at the beginning of October with no real goals in mind other than making one particular piece of writing publicly available for sharing. I chose WordPress because we use it at work and several friends spoke highly of the community.  It wasn’t until I saw my first piece of original writing on my blog that I started thinking what next?

I knew nothing about blogging. But I did know that all communities have their own unique culture and through a combination of trial and error, generous mentors and reading several really good guides to WordPress, I found my footing here. This past weekend I hit 500 followers.  I remain just as flattered today that someone has read and responded to my writing as I did the first time.

Recently I have had numerous…

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Happy is the man who finds wisdom.’ Proverbs 3:13

Certain people can make us feel ‘less than’ when we’re in their company, but truly wise and mature people never try to do that. If you’ve had a bad experience with this, don’t allow it to drive you back in defeat. If you don’t stand near a ruler, you won’t be able to measure your growth or monitor how much you’ve developed. Whatever successful people know, they haven’t always known it – they had to learn and grow too. So don’t pretend you know what you don’t know. It’s best to speak genuinely and sincerely, asking questions when appropriate.

Most successful people enjoy a chance to discuss and share what they know, so take advantage of this. Fear of rejection keeps us from going forward in life and in relationships. You’d be surprised how many people limit themselves to socialising only with those who are comparable to them. They feel uncomfortable the moment they’re surrounded by people who are different from them. An important part of your development occurs when you decide to cross the tracks and relate to people who are ahead of you in some way. These relationships create a chance for you to grow. It’s not wrong to lack knowledge; it’s wrong to be unwilling to learn.

Joshua learned the principles of good leadership from Moses. Ruth learned how to find the right relationship by listening to Naomi. Make this Scripture a guiding principle of your life:

‘Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.’

The Beautiful Curves 

Don’t you love the way the clothes hug those beautiful Curves, aren’t you grateful looking in the mirror and acknowledging how luck you’re that you’re not investing in the… just to look better in certain outfit? Well I am so lucky to have these Curves.

But don’t take it for granted because you’re blessed,  you need to take good care of it too,  try exercising for  at least 30 minutes everyday.  It’s as easy steps I make it sound,  I personally haven’t done any of that for the last 2 weeks but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Be better than me,  do what I can’t. 

If that is too much try drinking 2 litres of water,  I have convinced myself it will make a difference,  add a few slices of lemon if you can. 

If not try the cleansing though I can’t remember the last time I did this,  once again just because I can’t do something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t,  one of us ought to do these things. 

Oh,  have I confessed the main reason I am insisting on these things,  the curves are escalating even in places I wouldn’t want them to be in excess. We are forcefully changing the wardrobe,  I mantain email love the curves but it’s our responsibility to make them admirable,  tone them up. 

Will  try harder starting tomorrow.      Chau Chau. 

Feeling Great

Monday turned out better than I anticipated, more productive and better goals definitely. Decided to read more and already have about 20 books waiting for us. With the positive attitude we’re definitely going places.

And having acquired those pencils, sharpeners and rubbers for my little boy I can’t wait to see the look on his face. The excitement on his face, will be one of the most rewarding.

We have to make sure we read at least 2 chapters every day. Looking forward to the new experience.

Chau Chau

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH By MARK MANSON

 

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.

In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values.

THREE HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:

1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

Abstract painting love is not enough

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right.

And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?”

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

2. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.

Man and woman kissing love is not enough

And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.

But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

Sad girl realizing that love is not enough

In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.

THE FRIENDSHIP TEST

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friend?

Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent relationships, the answer is “no.”

I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends.

And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career.

Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything.

Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love!

Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce.

But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

That Beautiful Body

My dearest Body,
Oh, how I have treated you so unkind. Oh, how so unkindly others have treated you. Yet, you still remain intact, bearing the physical, emotional, and psychological scars of unpleasantry for so little to see. Body, you have carried my being for years. You are much younger than I am in here. For reasons not yet completely known to me, there have been times where I have pinched you until you bled, cut you until you bled, starved you, poisoned you, and exploited you. Through all of this, you still remain with me: A young, beautiful shell carrying an old, bitter being.

Depression has allowed me to do these things to you. I never meant to hurt you. Family history runs deep within the vile rivers of disparity and self-loathing. I greatly apologize for those times I lacked the emotional and psychological ability to stop forced hate upon you. I want to blame my family history for my own past.

Rightfully so, these thoughts and actions are learned at a young age and I do not believe I would have naturally turned out this way if it weren’t for everything I have witnessed since birth.

Anger, depression, addiction, lust, and selfishness: the list continues. I have always known anger. I have always seen physical anger. These learned actions and reactions have caused me to harm you in ways I would never harm another living being. I cannot even kill a cockroach without crying inside.

My dearest Body, you did not deserve any of those things. I have taught you to stay still while I transcended into deep meditation. I taught you to stretch and run. I nurtured you with medication to heal you even when my brain maliciously told me not to. You are so incredible. I don’t tell you this often enough, but I spend long moments just staring at you up close. I love the rivets in your skin and the olive hue it gives off under its paleness. I am learning to love your eye color and your toes. I am learning how to give you what you need when you need it instead of selfishly taking and keeping from you.

With all of that being said, there is nothing I would want to change about you. Your lips are beautiful. Do not listen when I tell you they’re too thin. Your nose is perfect. Do not listen when I tell you it’s too big. Your vagina is magnificent. Do not listen when I tell you it’s not. Your nails are exactly as they should be. Do not listen when I tell you they’re too brittle.

The only things I wish to change are of my spirit. I am bitter and angry, yet hopeful and happy. I’m sorry that my mind is a bit confused, Body. I’m so grateful for you! For you have not betrayed me once. It is I who has betrayed you.

Yet, you inspire me by continuing to carry me forward!
You give me so much hope!

Thank you, Body.

Submitted by Ashley Godwin via Open Letters that Matterhttps://web.facebook.com/OpenLettersThatMatter/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

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