Fear dressed as Quarter-life crisis

20-FEARFUL really hit me hard🤦‍♂️

A

20-thriving, 20-favorite, 20-forever young, 20-wow, 20-oh no I am growing old, 20-fuck I can not find a job, 20-broken relationship, 20-heartbreaks, 20-reality check, 20-fine, 20-when are you giving me grand kids, 20-when are you getting married, 20-paying your own bills, 20-waking up everyday to put up with annoying workmates, 20-FEARFUL.

Very many young adults between the ages of 20-30 spend a large chunk of their lives feeling anxious and under pressure due to money, appearance and career related worries as well as fears about the future. This makes this age the most vulnerable to depression because some feel they have no one to talk to about their concerns, leaving them to face their fears alone.

The unavoidable comparisons with their mentors when they were still their age. Some of their age-mates have made it already so they feel disappointed in themselves. At this age, you are trying to balance the…

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Even Angels have insecurities

Thank you for the beautiful piece and yes one thing i have always leaned on is “No matter what YOU’RE JUST ENOUGH.”

belindavanessa

“Maybe if i looked like that, the world would love me more” a statement i said to myself and finally got it stuck in my head and my insecurities got bigger by the hour.

As a teenager, i had soo much to fight inside me. Maybe my chest is too small , maybe my teeth make my smile ugly , maybe my body looks funny and maybe people are laughing at me when i walk past them

All this was based off what i termed as “perfect” and although people said no one was perfect i had a list in my head of the perfect people i had met and just like any insecurity trying to be heard i listened. I prayed everyday to God to make me just like them.

When people complimented me there was always a voice inside me louder saying “they are lying” i wrote down…

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RagDoll

An extract from the YouVersion Daily Devition

“I heard a friend of mine say in his prayer, ‘Lord, if we don’t have a used-to-be story, then we don’t have a changed life.’”  I quoted these words in a devotional several years ago and was reminded of them today. Let me share my own used-to-be story and maybe you will connect your own life with it?

Not coincidentally I heard a Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons song last week called, Rag Doll.  It’s a tearjerker song that came out in 1964 about a poor, beautiful girl that was made fun of because of her hand-me-down clothes and the fact she was poor.  True to life with children at that age and now, we are basically cruel toward each other. But God forbid that when we grow up, we remain so.  Unfortunately, we see a lot of childish behavior now days that tells me that many people still haven’t grown up, and they negatively influence us today because they are in political office.

As I heard this song I was reminded of Wanda-Gayle, a little girl I went to elementary school with from 1st– 6th grade.  We were in the same class the whole time through those years, which was a class of about 50 children.  Wanda-Gayle was one of those little children like Rag Doll.  She wore hand-me-down clothes from her brother. Nowadays adult women and children alike like put on ragged, torn jeans to accompany their $50,000 diamond ring, stiletto heels and stylish hair and make-up.  I don’t get it, but I don’t find fault either.  I think some style guru, as a crank, put such clothes on a beautiful model and it stuck.  He’s been laughing all the way to the bank ever since.  Pardon my perspective.  However, I’m just conveying that when Wanda-Gayle wore the same thing, less the diamonds and other fashion accoutrements, she was made fun of.  She was made fun of because they were boy’s clothes, and she was ragged and poor.  Her father was an out-of-work, alcoholic mechanic whose wife left him with the children as she went to live a life of moral depravity.  Get the picture about Wanda-Gayle?  Remember anyone like her in your life?  Maybe you were her?

As I close my eyes and see that precious little girl in my class, I see a happy petite girl with a sweet smile.  I remember the things said about her and I repeated, and it now saddens me.  I remember how no one would sit beside her and made fun of her as she listened to the teacher while smiling, … and I weep.  I weep because I see things differently now. I weep for I now realize that she loved school, the other children, and maybe the only balanced meal she would get that day in our lunchroom?  God removed my heart of stone and gave me a new heart as the verse mentions above, and it causes me to weep because of what I’ve seen, what I’ve done and because there are others like Wanda-Gayle out there.

One day her daddy came to school with her because all the parents were invited for a special day to be with their children.  A monkey was on display and for a nickel we could see it.  All the children were excited.  I remember Wanda-Gayle holding her daddy’s hand and excitedly asking, “Daddy can we see the monkey?”  The lady told her dad that it would only be a nickel.  He had to say to the woman in front of his daughter Wanda-Gayle, “I’m sorry but I don’t have a nickel.”  The lady allowed the man and Wanda-Gayle to see the monkey.  But one more spear into Wanda-Gayle’s little heart was struck robbing her more of her self-worth, and I cry as I now think of it.  I cry as a daddy for her dad, for her as a father if she were my child, because I have children and grandchildren, because God has now caused me to see people as He does.  I know when I was growing up my family and I were only a few paychecks removed from being in the same condition Wanda-Gayle was in.  

Their poverty and need were not because they deserved it, nor was the family security I had because I deserved it.  All I know is that I have a sacred responsibility because God has given me the life I’ve had, to give back to others who are in need.  I need to show His love and lift up the Wanda-Gayles that come into my life and be a helping hand instead of critical and judgmental of them. 

I don’t know what happened to Wanda-Gayle.  I saw her maybe once or twice after those years.  I was friendly to her for God had already been speaking to me about her.  My parents also helped me see it.  I now say a prayer for her every now and then.  She may be dead, but she may have family?  Her life may have never gotten any better for her? But I pray that God has been or will be merciful to this unknown and unseen person who crossed my life path.   God brings her up for a reason, and I think it is because she represents many more people like her around me.

You may be asking, as I do the Lord most often when He lays such heavy thoughts on me, why do I bring this up?  Why bring up such a sad story?  How does that fit now, in this society, in this day and time, in my life at present? I think it is because God wants me to speak His heart on this subject.  There are a lot more “Wanda-Gayles” in this world, and they are all around us if we will look at them.  I am so tired of the angry, political rhetoric that is influencing us today.  Violence, hatred, persecution and exclusion is bombarding us constantly, and we are losing our heart as a nation.  I’m not political and I will give none of my influence to become political.  I vote and I allow God to direct me.  But I will not direct you.  However, I will speak to you as my brothers and sisters in Christ and remind you of who we are.  I will seek to restore our identity and our practice of showing this angry culture we live in what Jesus looks like by the way we love the “Wanda-Gayles” of this world and each other.  That will be my mission this week.

Will you join me with a short series the next few days to seek and ask God His perspective with how we represent Him in this world we live in?  Tune in later for some more thoughts He gives me.  Be blessed and be a blessing.

Rag Doll: Day 1

by Rocky Fleming

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Be Kind

Copied from a WhatsApp group somewhere

Woman be nice to a fellow woman! She is already wearing away with so much! May be she is dealing with a dishonest and disrespectful partner who is not giving her the love, care and support she deserves! Trying to cope with a mother in-law that doesn’t approve of her! Working hard to be both a mother and a father to her children! Dealing with a male boss that demeans and ridicules or even harassing her! She is struggling with balancing off career and personal stuff! she has already lost herself and dignity in search of love and approval! Her body weight, stretch marks, thinning hair and aging skin are steadily eating up into her esteem and confidence! She is being blamed for getting pregnant for the 2nd, 3rd or whatever position of the child! She is overstretched with paying bills and investing to secure a future for her and her children! Lost her self identity to so many abusive and exploitative relationships! May be the law, tradition or circumstances have denied her access to her children! Given up on her fashion and style because of competing priorities! She has accumulated debts to her eyebrows to give a decent life for her children! She is the talk in her family and friends because of her failed marriage! Staggering with her faith in God and her values cause of guilt built from some choices! Loneliness has eaten into each of her nights! She is living in self pity because of all that she has lost and missed!

✓   Women support women, sisters support sister, girls support girls !! Keep the woman-sister-code alive.
✓   Lift each other up. Remove dirt from the corner of her eye gently, speak to her softly as you advise her! 
✓   Make it habit to say something nice and positive to a fellow woman (you never know how much her spirit will be lite). Be deliberate about this!
✓   Reassure her of her inner and outer beauty, strength and capabilities. 
✓   If possible, give her a treat! Make her feel loved and worth it! Take her to a spa , buy her a gift!
✓   Listen to her without judging! Just listen to her.
✓   Be a shoulder she can lean on for big and small issues!
✓   Offer a room when she needs it. 
✓   Above all, pray with her! 

It’s March, a month in which we celebrate us women! Go be nice to one woman ! Celebrate a fellow woman not only this month but make it your habit!

Happy women’s day!

Ju!A

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I WANT YOU!

Dear Future Husband, I hope you can pick something from this.

PenelopeSanyu

Dear Mr. Right,

I hope you are preparing yourself  to receive all my love for you well. It is not simple love, it is like a tsunami and will swallow you if you are not well prepared to receive it. While we work on the part where you receive my love , here are a few things i would like you to know,  not that its a script i want you to follow, but it would ease your life by helping you love me right.  I want you to accept me and embrace my weird ! Trust me that is not an easy task. i have those days where i forget to take my medicine and its on such days that i need and want you to understand me most.

NIC_7700

I want you to touch me mindlessly while the two of us watch a movie – i  don’t want that…

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Dubai Diaries!

About a year ago,I moved to Dubai for school and this has been the best year of my life as yet! I live in one of the most glamorous cities in the world, I’ve made life long friends and looking at Lamborghinis and Porsches doesn’t impress me anymore like ahh that’s normal now😆.

I had visited twice before my move so the change wasn’t as dramatic. One of the things that blew me away when I first came here is how everyone is happy and willing to start a new friendship.It’s full of people from all over the world so you will never be in short of supply of someone from your home country and this makes life easier…or not🤔

Of course I had to get used to a couple of things for example THE HEAT!!!, Occasional sandstorms (my sinuses had a blast with these!😩), the weekend starts on Friday and the week starts on Sunday, government censorship on some websites and social media platforms (you have to use a VPN for FaceTime, whatsapp calls),the silent bias😏and a couple other things. Those are some of the few manageable cons,the pros list is looonnggg but one of the major pros for me is the low and almost non existent crime rate!! The relief of moving freely with my phone without the worry of it being snatched is unmatched! As in even if you forgot your phone in a taxi, it would be safe!(Imagine such a scenario in Kampala👀😂)

Everything in this city is EXTTRRAA!! From the restaurants,the hotels,beaches,clubs,food everything!! It’s also not as restrictive as it’s made to seem. It is ideal for ‘living your best life’. There is quite a lot to do in this place; there is the never-ending sales at the malls, FoodFests,concerts, desert safari,visiting the theme parks, Friday brunch etc. You can take a day trip to Abu Dhabi and tour the place. My roommate and I signed up for this tour on Groupon. BTW if you are living in Dubai or planning to, Groupon is your best friend!! It has hella deals and discounts that will ease your stay/visit.

Took this during that day trip to Abu Dhabi.. The Sheik Zayed Grand mosque is the most beautiful mosque I have seen!

And then I became a fan of Abayas😅

Desert Safari…(No I don’t have the clichè picture on a camel or a quad bike🙃)

Oh another pro that I’d almost forgotten about is the delivery!! Everything is delivered to you at any given hour!! Bought stuff from the supermarket across the street? It will be delivered however small it maybe! I am in Uganda at the moment and I recently called this pizza place a few minutes away from home for a delivery, the lady on the phone told me they had no delivery person and if I wanted the pizza so bad I’d have to go and get it or send someone! I told my best friend about this ordeal and she said ‘see how Dubai has spoilt you’😂 and I honestly see no lie.

Living this kind of life is all fun and games till you miss home😩being so far away from family and friends and the home food is not easy and you don’t take that for granted. Though, every time I miss Ugandan food I go to this Ugandan restaurant in Deira and have some matooke and groundnut stew(this is my favorite Ugandan food) plus chapati. I introduced my non-Ugandan friends to Chapati and Uganda Waragi and their lives have never been the same again😂. The flip side is that you are in this beautiful city that has so much going on it feels like home but honestly…not home-home.

Although Dubai makes life pretty easy for expats, it can sometimes be nerve wrecking knowing that if anything went wrong,you’re under way different laws than what you are used to and the circumstances can be totally different for you.

Overall living here is an experience of a lifetime! I obviously haven’t talked about everything so i’ll definitely do more ‘Dubai Diaries’ posts. But in the meantime if you have any questions or need any clarification leave a comment below or DM me on

Instagram- lynnetdaisy

Snapchat- a-lynette

Twitter- @akatwie

I’ll be glad to help where I can😊

Love and light💛

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TGIF

Promotional T.shirts, Loose fitting jeans and African sandals were always my choice of casual outfits on Friday.One day Robert, my former colleague commented that i was too casual for the office setting. The embarrassment 🤦🏾‍♀️.Well, i adjusted to better tops and fittig jeans as time went on since i often had evening plot and couldn’t risk going back home with our Kampala traffic jam. I came to understand that the poor dresscode at some point was due to simply not caring and sometimes low self esteem. I had also gained some weight andthe assumption was that loose clothes helped hide it.

Over the years, i have advanced life happened. I have taken control of my life, tried to dress better. I have since then advanced to heels for Fridays, still wearing jeans but the right size. Lipstick never leaves my bag, there is something magical about nice💄and once in a while beautiful earrings.You know there something about dressing right, you feel good about yourself as the complements keep flowing in👌🏾.Always looking forward to meet up with friends and catch up.

Even when the week has been stressful, i always look forward to dressing up for Friday. I can now safey say Friday has become one of my days of the week.

I have even convinced myself that I need an agent to sign me up

I can now safely say I have arrived .

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Short and Sweet!

Sooo my sister dragged me out of my laziness and urged me to explore my creative side and here we are🤷🏽‍♀️. My name is Lynnet, I like to consider myself a multipotentialite, I have many interests and creative pursuits but laziness and procrastination always gets the best of me. I am making it a point to work on that though and doing this is the first step!

My posts will majorly be lifestyle, revolving around but not limited to travel,food,style and a lot more of my personal interests. Basically, I’ll be bringing the fun and chill to this blog because God knows it’s too serious for life😅

Also I am kinda vain,sooo there will be a lot of my ethereal being 😊

Instagram- lynnetdaisy

Twitter- akatwie

Snapchat- a-lynette

Follow,subscribe and lets enjoy this journey together!🥂

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Changing our mindset towards work

MY PROBLEM WITH THE DEGREE. MY ENCOUNTER WITH GRADUATES/UNIVERSITY STUDENTS.

By Henry Mutebe

Yesterday, a friend called to check on me. It had been long since we talked. He asked if I had sometime so I could roll over and check on him. I was happy to go check on him. After we had finished University, he had started a small restaurant in town. It has grown exponentially over the years. When I arrived at the restaurant, I was very impressed by how many leaps he had made, in what I believe to be a short time for a business like his. We shuffled through the memories and had a hearty laugh.

As hours went by, I noticed that when customers entered and took seats, he was attending to them and doing a lot of the serving. I asked him if he didn’t have enough staff. He told me that one of the girls working at the restaurant was sick while another guy simply didn’t show up or call to let him know…so he was short of labour. I asked if I can help. He joked, ‘Henry you know I can’t afford you. Here I pay 10,000shs to the attendants. How will I manage to pay you?’ I told him am happy to work.

I quickly oriented myself on the etiquette and customer care rules …and most importantly what was available. So we started serving people that came in. In total, I served about 8 clients before something interesting happened.

As we talked and laughed about the crazy things we did in school, two students I taught at University (a gentleman and lady) came by. They did not immediately notice I was the one but their eyes kept preying on me to confirm they were seeing the ‘real person.’

To confirm their disbelief, I asked my friend to let me serve them. So I went over, humbled myself, bent slightly, greeted them and asked to take their orders. They were very surprised and asked me, ‘What are you doing here sir?’ I told them that am there to serve them. They looked at each other and with the face of mixed feelings wondered why I would be working in a restaurant.

The girl asked, ‘Sir, but why are you working here? You can’t serve us. I mean…?’ she nodded her head in disbelief before continuing, ‘…you can’t work in a restaurant?’. I told them I would serve them and am happy to take their orders. You could easily notice that they were very surprised and reserved about placing their orders.

They had mixed feelings about my presence there and the type of work I was doing. After a very interesting exchange, they finally made their order which I delivered promptly. They had their delicious meal as we also continued conversing and reminiscing the years gone by. From time to time, I kept checking on them and asked if they needed anything else. When they were done, my friend punched in the bill, printed the receipt and I delivered it to them.

Their bill was 24,500shs. I placed it on the table and took the plates away. The guy placed two notes (a 20k and 10k shs) on the table and they left. I delivered it to my friend, who was now serving as manager, cashier and sometimes a waiter. He gave me back the change of 5,500shs which I happily slipped into my wallet. By the way …by this time, I had 15,000shs in tips from the other 8 clients I had served. So by adding this 5500shs, I was 20,500shs rich already.

As the couple (my former students) went out, they each looked back in disbelief. I looked at them and raised my hand to say bye. They walked into the street and faded away into the bright light from approaching cars. A couple of other clients came in and I served them. My friend was very pleased and paid my 10000shs and a bonus of 2000shs which he says he offers once a waiter exceeds a certain number of clients. At 11pm, I left the restaurant and went home.

As I sat in the car to head back home, I couldn’t help thinking about my students. Their disbelief was innocent…but it speaks a lot about a general problem we have in our society. These two students represent thousands of others. They me made think, very deeply, about our Ugandan graduates. I do not blame them, its a general problem.

I have had the opportunity to travel and study from elsewhere or in other cultures and I have always been surprised by how people in other countries don’t despise jobs. My good students could not imagine their lecturer serving them in a restaurant. Since they know my work and qualifications, they could not understand how I can be in a restaurant at this time. As if it takes away my degree or other job. It gave me a lot of thoughts about our graduates. The more I have travelled, the more I have learned and unlearned.

In 2012, while at Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine in England, one of my classmates used to drive a BMW, park it at a restaurant and work as a waiter. He came from a very wealthy family but he still worked. He told me that as soon as he completed high school, he had to take part time jobs to earn some money to pay rent to his father and contribute to household bills. It shocked me quite a lot considering what I have grown up seeing in my part of the world.

As if this was not enough, I also found out that, when students finish high school in these countries, as must, they have to find some work and either rent out, or pay their parents some money for rent if they are to continue staying in their parent’s house. I was shocked by the idea of a son paying rent to his father. It took time to sink in. The more I interacted with more of these people, the more I realised that this is a common culture. They teach a child responsibility from a very early age. Work is not for money per se, it is a service.

The lesson I learnt from them is that working is a value. One has to work and parents teach their children that they have to work and earn. Just because your parents are wealthy doesn’t mean your life is already worked out. You have to contribute to the home bills and somehow find something to do. The work doesn’t have to be white colour…but as a must, you have to find something to put your hands to. You cant seat your bums and just wait for a white collar job.

When I went to Norway, I found the same story. Most university students, unless they simply can’t find time due to course overload, have to have some form of temporary work. Students often work as attendants, waiters in restaurants, cleaners in hotels, shop attendants, drivers, newspaper vendors, et cetera. It is a value to work and few people dont despise jobs.

By the way, they don’t work because their parents can’t give them money. They work because it is a value that has been embedded in them from childhood. Once a student finishes high school, they take on a part time job and save money for use at university or travels. Few parents will buy their child a ticket to come to Africa to tour. You have to work and save for your luxuries.

If you want some money from your parents, you borrow and pay back. Nothing comes free. They teach you to live on your own. Being at University or having a degree is ‘nothing.’ You are not the first or the last. Serving people in a restaurant does not make anyone look less a graduate. Service is service! Work is a value.

As a matter of fact, most of the places near Universities are filled with university students working as part timers. University students are encouraged to take up these part time jobs. The white people we like to imitate are doing what we think is too dirty or casual for a graduate in Africa.

It got me thinking about students in our Universities here in Uganda. I thought about all the restaurants around Wandegeya, Banda –Kyambogo, MUBS, and the attitude of University students and graduates about these type of jobs. I thought about the poor attitude we have towards work. I looked at the chapatti boys and girls we despise who are minting money and doing great things in their lives and for their families. I thought about the people who fear nothing, who go out and just do it while we sit back.

The more I thought about it the more I realised why we are going to take longer to develop. We have a generation of young people who feel they are too educated to do certain jobs. We have a generation of children who have been prepared for a life that doesn’t exist. We have a crop of young people who are whiter than the whites. My time in Europe taught me that we need to get back on the drawing board and re-orient our graduates.

Students in our universities should be oriented to appreciate the value of work. There is no reason why a University should not employ students to clean the Library, kitchen, dining halls, hostels. It is improper that a university canteen should find external staff when it has over 30,000 students who can work in shifts and serve other students.

See, through this kind of work, being able to do ordinary jobs and be seen as a servant makes you true leaders. When students grow up with a sense of entitlement and a higher standard of living, it translates into greed when they get into national politics. They apportion themselves good things, higher privileges and want to float above everyone because work is about money, status and not service. Such humble work makes true leaders.

People who are willing to serve, and not merely earn make better leaders. Such work raises a generation of leaders who don’t do things to be seen or be thought of as higher and more qualified, but leaders who get things done. In some firms in western societies, when they look at a CV, such experience, demonstrates the attitude of a person, their humility, values and philosophy towards work.

We are raising a generation of children whose only image of the west is what they watch on TV. They speak using enhanced accents, know what is the latest, they are ‘cool’ but they have no idea what makes the west what it is. My experience in the west shows me something different. People work and do ordinary jobs and that’s how things get done.

If we are to get good leaders, we must first change the attitude of young people about work. An inflated self-image creates bad leaders who want to further segregate themselves from the ordinary people they consider low and less qualified. We have a big problem in our society and we have to find a way to deal with it.

Students despise these jobs because they believe work is about status and money. Taken further into their lives, it means they may likely want to maintain status and money as their pursuits when they get into leadership positions. If we must correct our leadership and governance problems, we may also need to do something about the attitude of students and graduates about their philosophies and values about work. In there, lies a very big problem.

Do not despise work, go out there and just work. The pope was once a bouncer at a club. Today he is one of the most powerful men in the world. Imagine that you had nothing to fear, what would you do to earn a living? Imagine that you had no degree or that anyone cares, what would you do to earn a living? Imagine, that no one is going to help you find a job, what would do?

I am not saying go do what you dont like…but may be…just may be you may need to develop a new attitude towards work, serve people (in whatever opportunities unfold) and be happy to have served. You can never tell what the future holds, and you may never know who you will meet at your humble place of work. Most interestingly, you may never know the untold story of those who work and serve you in those places where you go as the bosses or the rich.

Even for you that are already employed in ‘high’ places, don’t mind going out and just find a part time job (if you have time) or offer services in the evening or weekend at any place where your services can be of use. Meet people, network and just keep yourself active. Degrees are everywhere…literally every one has them…so just forget about the whole hype about it and be true to yourself. As you look for other opportunities…dont be afraid to branch off a little and keep yourself at something. Don’t despise jobs. Serve. I am now looking for my next gig. I am happy to serve. So you restaurant/hotel people…dont fear to holla at me…If I have time…I will come and serve with a smile. 🙂 🙂 Cheers

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WHO STOLE WHO?

Because of this mindset some great friendships have been lost…

WhosThatChic?

“That bitch stole my man!”

“That man stole my woman!”

“X stole Y’s person.”

First of all, 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 to everyone who has ever said or thought this phrase. How is an adult man or woman stolen? Are they handbags / wallets? Teach me your ways, oh ye great stealers of men and women! There’s a man I really want to steal so maybe a few pointers on how to will escalate my process to being his new legal owner by force. But seriously, how is this even a thing? Men stealing women / women stealing men? Are they inanimate objects that just sit there, waiting to change possession as and when? Are they things you buy in a retail store with your hard earned money, take them to your house and a selfish human comes along to take the fruits of your labor? Show me where to buy them then…

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